Got Confidence?

[Warning: This is not me. She is a make-up guru from Youtube.=D I like her message. I just thought I might share it with everyone.]

I think most of us have to hear this.No matter if u are a guy or a girl. I,myself have problems with self-confidence in my life. I am always self-conscious about how I look, how I act towards people, what people think, being hurt by what people say..and it really brings me down.To the point where I don't know what to think about myself anymore. It happens in everyday life.For the past 3 years I start to at least focus on myself and not to worry about peer pressures. I turned down many invitations for "night-outs", I choose to let my hair straight although everyone curled their hair, I stay with my own style while others look really good in the latest fashion, I choose to be patient while everyone has their first car, I choose to stay at home while everyone is attending a party/reunion, I listened to my music while everyone listened to latest music on the radio. and the list goes on.. Of course there are times I try to be like others by doing what everybody is doing, but.....it does not work for me. You know what? I am glad, really glad with what I did. No one in this world, no one, will understands you 100%. So the best thing is not to expect much from others. That is one thing I learn from this 23 years on earth.

I came across this video from Jlovesmac1. I don't really know her but I think she HAVE something to say which makes a good point. Despite of the funny things she mentioned in her videos, I would say she portrayed what a girl thinks of herself, and personally I think one have to have really good self confidence to say something about herself, that is different from others. I hope this new year, and for years to come, I can be truly happy, positive and confident with myself. It is not an easy step but nothing is impossible when you truly believe. I hope it will do the same for you too.

Merry Christmas

May this season brings you comfort and joy. Spend time with love ones or enjoy spending time on yourselves. Just take a break from all your problems and worries. You deserve to have a good time. To all,enjoy this video. =)

Just a little remembrance

As predicted and expected, my two cats had gone forever in this world. Although there are no evidence of Atup's remaining, I am sure that it is the last sight of her on Tuesday that I will ever seen. According to the past experience with my previous cats, when they are sick, they will find their own remedy. I believe that,despite the existence of veterinarian, I am sure animals like cats and dogs can find their own remedy. For example, like eating small amount of grass. Yes, these animals are not herbivores. But I think the grass itself contained herbs which can help animals for their digestion or cure for certain illness. My grandma said that for a grown-up cat, when they are about to die, they will go to a place where no human will find them. If they are going to search for their own 'medicine', they will be gone for few days and came back..Alive. And that is what happened to our previous cats whom I called Ancung and Miow...and Atup. I realised that, when they are about to leave you, they will spend time with you like letting you hold them or be with you 24/7..They find comfort.You will find comfort. That is what I experienced with Topodo. It makes me understand with no doubt. I know every living thing will come back to where it belongs.

I don't think if I ever want to have cats in my house anymore. Just cherished what I have now.The two oranges. I am just thankful for my life has been touched by every pet that I ever had. For those cat and dogs lovers, appreciate your pet when they are still alive. You never know when they will be gone. Take good care of your friend.




Mother & Son


Atup (2006-22 December 2010)


Topodo (May/June 2010-13 December 2010)


Always be missed.

6 months of companionship.. Now you are gone.

My dearest little Topodo had gone from this world. I have done everything I can. I brought him to the clinic..but things get worst. He is unable to eat,move and stand on it's own. It is so hurtful to remember his condition back then. It is so hurtful to see when your dearest little friend is weak, in pain..and what;s worst, I know he need comfort..I know he want to tell something. I carried him in my arms as he in excruciating pain. I know because his voice. So I lay him down. and pray that he will go peacefully. and not be afraid because he will go somewhere better and he will not be in deep pain anymore. I am so devastated and cannot stop crying for days. I even imagined his face in one of my interviews(which i do not put much hope).. I am so sad. I know some people say "Oh..it's just a cat.It has 9 lives" Oh..but for me God created each of the living things with only 1 life. So what are you suggesting? I don't think this person is really concern about me. What they don't understand is that, it has touched your life and provide you with companionship which I think no man can provide. Just with that little heart could touch your life without you realizing it, it makes you happy inside.Who can forget such innocent and silly little thing? He makes me happy. Sometimes, better than people.

Now, another one is getting sick. I just don't know what is the reason. I'm guessing there is a virus evolving around..I don't know if I can face another week of tears. I'm not hoping..I don't want to say more.

All I want to say is..when someone is sad about their pet, it truly means that person is sad. And yes, do not think that he or she is being irrational. That person knows why is she or he reacted that way. Sometimes it cannot be controlled by rational thoughts.. and if you think you don't have better things to say, as in "cat has 9 lives", better don't say anything at all.

Petition for Help or Support

God knows what's in your heart, and when you wish for something or need His help, He provides. I am convinced that all this happened is through my prayers. I don't know if I will make it until the end, but the door for opportunities is opened. Whatever it may turn out, just believe that you will receive.

Prayer To the Holy Spirit

Holy Spirit; you who make me see everything and show me the way to reach my ideal. You who give me the divine gift to forgive and forget the wrong that is done to me and who are in all instances of my life with me. I, in this short dialogue, want to thank you for everything and confirm once more that I never want to be separated from you no matter how great the material desires may be. I want to be with you and my loved ones in your perpetual glory. Amen.

Novena To St. Jude

Holy Saint Jude, apostle and martyr, great in virtue and rich in miracles, near kinsman of Jesus Christ faithful intercessor of all who invoke your special patronage in time of need. To you I have recourse from the depths of my heart, and I humbly beg to whom God has given such great power, to come to my assistance. Help me in my present and urgent petition, in return I promise to make your name known and cause you to be invoked.

Say 3 Our Father, 3 Hail Mary, and 3 Glory Be. Saint Jude, pray for me and all those who invoke your aid.AMEN.

These prayers has never known to be fail. Publication must be promised. You will know when your prayers are answered. Do share with others.

Guidance - Bible Promises Spoken

When I have nothing to say..

This boy says it all. Enjoy.

Random people

Went to an open-interview at a local bank with MT. To be honest, we are not quite ready for this interview as it is not planned. However, we decided to give it a go. There is a lot of people going for the interview. I am the 189th candidate. I finish the interview approximately 6 o’clock in the evening. That is the longest interview I’ve attended. We are there since 11am,but, due to some problems(incomplete documents), we have to drove home to prepare the required documents. We went to a stationary shop to make copies. It’s so not fully prepared..We nearly give up and don’t want to go because of head-aches and uncertain feelings about the interview. Somehow, we manage to complete it. It’s quite challenging when you compete with 200th over candidates, standing among ten candidates, experienced and inexperienced, while waiting for your turn to say something about yourself (which I can feel my heart is no longer inside my body and have beat on its own). All I can say is, it is okay. I don't put so much hope. One thing that I really admire today is not really about the interview, it is the random people I interact with..It’s a little bit weird.But, I guess it’s a blessing.

Scene 1: At the stationary shop

As I was busy arranging my documents..A woman around my age came to the photocopy counter..while waiting for her copies to complete, she took a glance at what I was doing and said “Applying for work?” I was stunned for a moment. I was not expecting that will popped out of her mouth. I said, “Yes” smiling back at her and continue my business. Again she asked “What post?” An extended question, I thought. But I answer her anyway. “Sales, erm..bank” I said. “Oh, financial executive?” Actually I am not sure about what actually the posts offered. I just answer “Yeah..something like that”. Obviously, I am not prepared(not even the real interview yet). “Oh, it is just like what I do, I just applied XYZ bank last month, not long after that, I got the job, based on commission, the more harder you work, the more commission you get”. A statement. I responded as “oh.” I want to know more, so I asked “ Are you working on weekends like Saturdays and Sundays?” I just asked random question. “Flexible working hour, but must check in to the office everyday ( this type of job required you to go out to meet clients). It reminds me of an earlier job description in an earlier interview I went before. I realized that I have to make a move as I have completed my documents arrangement(I don’t know how to extend further question for a conversation for a person whom I just met about 10 minutes ago)..”Oh, I gotta go” I said. I don’t know why at that moment I gave her a thumb-up. “Oh ok, good luck” she said.”Ok, thanks” I replied. So, MT and I went off.

Scene 2: At the interview building

I met a young lady, 2 years my senior. It happened to be my senior in my uni. In less than an hour, I knew her story. I mean, her experience in finding jobs, why she continued her Masters and how she ended up going to the interview. I feel I havent make friends like that for years and I realised I havent met someone that I instantly can make friends with. Maybe it is just to steady the nerves. But, I enjoyed talking to her. Funny stories never fail. We exchange numbers(as a result she asked for an FB page which I have none, so rather than awkwardness takes place, she let me write my number). Maybe, just maybe, we may share some infos..in the future. After she completed hers, she shared what the question was like..which is really helpful. Thank you.

Other than that, there are few things which randomly occurred. Okay, my stomach ache so bad right after the writing test (moral of the story:DO NOT EAT TOO MUCH BEFORE AN INTERVIEW)..So..I don’t think it is appropriate to mention here..First at the bank! Oh my someone spill a blood on my resume. Damn stapler!

P/s: thanx Missy M for the info!

Job Hunting: False Alarm

About two weeks ago, I've been called by my work supervisor asking me if I am available for work. Of course I am available. I feel such joy in my heart. But the only thing that I don't know, she only asked me to find out if I am available or not which means only one, to FIND OUT. I thought I have been offered (for sure, confirm, ni kali la). So, this morning I received a message from a friend whom I known during my internship. She gave me a message saying that there will be a briefing tomorrow. But, I haven't receive any updates on this matter. A little heart attack (more like heart ache..I'm in vain..) So I asked MT to find out which means to call for assurance ( as i am afraid or shy as a result of the little heart attack)..Yep, that's it. This world is not as 'beautiful' as it may seems. It appears that they will choose candidate by batch..oh okay then. I thought I am included in the first batch(when reality hits..). I don't know.. something about 1st batch, 2nd batch..100th batch which I thought was more of a grading system. But, oh well, that's fine. Maybe it was not meant to be. Looking at the bright side of it, this actually give me some time to venture new opportunities. New challenges, new opportunities. It's not fair for me to give up or be disappointed on myself (it's not fair for everyone). So, I decided to move on, keep on searching for other jobs. This is just the beginning..

(*_*) Oh look!

MT and I went to Daiso yesterday, the RM5 store. I don't know, there is something about Daiso that I really like. Obviously the products and things are so cute!kawaeeee (the typical word for those who like..ehem2..cute things. I swear I don't use this word regularly). It reminds me of something so peaceful and beautiful Japanese home-style(especially the decoration and ornaments).

Anyways, I really like to do my window shopping at this Japanese store. I usually picked up things that I think are necessary(I convinced myself) as I was charmed by the cuteness it displayed but I ended up putting it back because I realized I can be simply over-budget when everything is RM5 ( the thickness of my purse gradually reduced and become more of a 'flat-looking' pouch). If compared to other shops I can get the same thing for RM 2.50. I think they should consider some of the things half priced! Like the Kedai Dua Ringgit. But it is an undeniable fact that the store has things that are rare and again..kawaeeeee( I swear this is only the 2nd time i use the word in the internet). So as we were observing things in the games/toy section, we came across a very weird toy ( or cards..I still think it is a toy)..


MT is prone to things that are absurd and weird. I told him it might probably just cards for kids (age range: 6 to 10).And then we saw this.


He thinks that when we rub our fingers like this..wala! there is a smoke coming out towards the air!


I have a higher expectation, it will poof a smoke and probably will have a smokey goblin apparition.

We purchased it.

We've tried it as soon as we got home. It has some kind of glue sticking at the back of the card. We applied it and like the label says, I will have a smoke at my fingertips. Yeah, more like 'debu-debu di udara'.




Actually..we did not go that far.. Just another stuff we get out of curiosity. No intention to be a magician either. Rm 5 for an unlikely trick. Kawae? I guessed not.

Kuku Time!

I did my nails the other night when I was so bored and don't know what to do. Instead of thinking what I cannot do, I started to do what I can do randomly. So I reached my nail colors and I started to paint my nails. At first I don't know what pattern I would apply. So I search some from youtube and came across julie713. I think her pattern are so cool and simple.So I give it a try but with my own personal touch.=)For this pattern I just use 2 colors, pink and black.




I get this mini nail art brush from Daiso for RM5. For 2 years I've been searching for affordable nail art brush! The cheaper the better. Hehe.It comes in a small packet like this. Each brush has different size..But for me it kind of look the same. I wonder when I will use the rest.


I wanted so bad to have Julie's nail pattern.But the problem is my nail is short and very small. And I am not pro when it comes to use my left hand. So, the next day, I hired my mom as a model.hehe. Nahh, just the hands.Just to see how it looks in full set of nails!





I really get inspired by the animal print especially zebra print. I'm not really into rhinestones because I think it may fall off when I am doing my laundry/housework. For fully painted nail, the worst it can get is just the color may washed off..but hey, you can still paint it anytime.

I wonder if it is appropriate for work? Just another random thing I do when I have no other better things to do. =D

Job Hunting: Dilema + Frustrated+ get over+hope=?

I have missed many interviews. So far I missed three.not too much? Well, actually I decided not to go. I decided not to take it. I don't know why, i always being offered for the position that I did not apply for. If it is not too much, i often being called for job that is lower than my qualification. I don't want to be picky about work. But, when i think about it,considering all the values and expenses..I think it's not worth it.. I am getting frustrated with all the "what ifs".

This is one reason but there are many reasons to consider when you opt for a job no matter how attractive the salary might be. I am considering my values and what I have to do to get the right opportunity. Maybe it is not for me.Maybe He has a plan for me. Let's hope for the best.

"Your ears will hear a word behind you, 'This is the way, walk in it; whenever you turn to the right or to the left." Isaiah 30:21

Afternoon ramblings

I just came back from church and meeting some friends. I just feel very tired today. I am the driver today. I wonder why, he keep on bugging me while I am driving. Hey I only in charge once in a while. If you are reading this, I'm only try to be nice. I give you freedom and be my guest. I am not trying to be the guy okay. Oh, thanks for accompanying me to church today. I hope someone will lit our candles for us. Thanks for accompanying me to the car wash centre. I know I am lazy. But I have the initiative to make my car clean. I don't know what happen if I'm at the driver's seat for a week and you are my passenger. Chaos and non-stop ramblings. Our personality and behavior will change. Maybe being a lady driver is always a challenge. Are you testing me? Despite all the havoc, I have a great time with you. I know we are tired. Tired of thinking and responding in a normal way,it's fun to act abnormal once in a while. It's a normal day, but I have fun in the midst of tiredness.Thanks for making my day. =)

Mary..did u know?

Advent will come soon. Another 1 month to Christmas Day. I've listened to many Christmas songs before but I can't get bored listening to this one. Mary Did You Know covered by Kutless. Enjoy.

Helo Again.

I haven't put something in this blog for quite awhile. Maybe because of many things going on or perhaps I'm just lazy to write something. What happened during the past few weeks:

~Convocation
I finally get my degree! I've been preparing my convo thingy for about a month before the date (10.10.10). Many things to get done such as finding out what to wear,where to take studio photo, what shoes, etc..I have fun.

~Attending family occasions:
-Weddings
This is the time for me to know who are my relatives (which I seldom meet). I take the opportunity to observe things so I can plan my own wedding program!

-Funeral
My grandaunt has come to the Lord on 7.10.2010. I am shocked by the news I received. We even went to hospital in the middle of the night. The doctor said everything will be ok. But after we got home, we found out from my aunty that grandaunt will not be able to make it. A few hours later, she passed away. All of a sudden she had gone just like that.

Looking at the bright side of it, this is the time where I realizes the place I grew up and to be a part of a family. I know who are my relatives, how are the family ties connected, meeting those who I have not seen for years.Most importantly, what we can do to support each other in time like this.

~Job Hunting
This is my biggest issue right now. Went to several interviews but I haven't succeed in getting even one single job in my hands. I guess it is not my opportunity. It is not planned for me.

~Miscellaneous
-Getting a new ID photo
At last. My plan to change my ID photo. I take this 'long holiday' to get a new one to replace the old childish looking ID which I regret taking it with barely ready look.For years my ID is my picture with a wet long hair which is nearly dry.It looked a little bit greasy in my ID.So, I guessed I bring the wet look to a new level. I blamed the photographer for his incredibility to take pictures. Hope to get the new one next week!

- Format my laptop
I am frustrated because I have lost all my album photos.My dinners' photos, my trip to island, my internship trips, etc... so so frustrated. I should make a backup data or get an external to keep my things in place.

-Attending church activities
A talk that I have attended organized by the youth (young adults) about Theology of the Body). I only went to it's last session after being pursued by my very close friend.Message from Pope John Paul II. It's about men and women on how to treat and understand ourselves and our body. Very good session. Other than that, I enjoyed prayer meetings too.

~Opted for new hobbies:
-Craft-making
Recently, I have drawn to craft-making. I discovered quilling. It's like a paper that you have to roll and make new shapes from it.

-Doodling
I am inspired by a youtuber named Haiying who makes doodling as a way to ease your mind and to produce arts with no boundaries, no perfection. I have started mine too.

That is what I basically do for these past few weeks. I try to do something worth living for. I realized there are many things that I haven't look into during my student years especially the things I have back home. There are some things I wish I did when I was still a student.Right now I just want to enjoy what I do, with what I have.

Run

I just want to share a song that i love so much. It is titled Run from Hillsong.Just listened it the first time makes my heart fill with joy. It lifted me up every time i listened to it. Hope it will do the same for you. Enjoy^_^

You were God from the outset
Powerful and creative
You who saw us here before you called
All the stars and the earth to existence


You are God you are Holy
History is you story
You, who was and is
And who forever will be
God we live for your Glory

So we will run
All together our hearts aflame
With a fire that can't be tamed
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus


You are God you are freedom
You're alive now within us
You who saw us here before
You conquered the grave
And delivered on the promise

We will run
Our surrender to bring you fame
Our desire that you be praised
Our God all Glory to your name
Jesus

When things seems so far..

I just sit. Actually, no. I get up. However, something makes me pulled back. I know I have to start sth. I am half there , and, and..along the way, your effort somewhat seems like ..lost..Just don't have that drive right now. But i don't want to regret things. Sometimes, when you want sth you can be too hard on yourself. Not knowing how much you have done so far. Not realizing that it takes time to achieve or to get sth. I always get demotivated along the way. And I am still dealing with it. I don't want this feeling of 'lost' controls me. Right now, i try to enjoy things. Go with the flow perhaps? I hope to regain my motivation.Most importantly, my confidence. It might be a phase. Can it be? I hope so. Yes, it can be. I will get through this. Yes, I can!

My Car Rebels...Guilty comes in..

What a day..my car does it again..this time.It really won't start. It had happened before but luckily it is 'alive' taht time and able to start at last..I am soooo furious when it had no effect as i'm trying to start off the engine..no sound whatsoever. and actually i'm ready to go and take some photos for my job hunting preparation. and I promised to drive yesterday ( because i havent drive for almost a week and im worried that the car won't start).. during my sick and lazy time I haven't touch my car. I haven't take care of it. So, I guess 'it' rebels..because of my lack of attention.

It's my fault actually.I know the consequences but still, I don't do the routine I supposed to which is to heat up the engine everyday eventhough you don't go anywhere! Ignorance does not pay..So my sweetheart and I went to search for a mechanic which is not very far from my place..about 2 km.This 3 mechanics (I guess the two are the assistants and it happens that one is my sweetheart's school junior but he does not remember the name and if he ever have a conversation with him,so no topic on that.) what they do?they used a battery(which they brought) and they do their magic..not even have to use a jumper..It's like the short cut..they pour out the liquid from the battery as the engine is raced, pour it with some water (I rush off to the toilet and just take the scoup or the gayung filled with water) It's funny because i was like running as might..gosh..after that..walla it actually start! Alleluia! But I don't know,if this is right..can u believe it is f.o.c? Well, I'm pretty serious when it comes to this..It's like when you been offered by someone (although they don't mean it, just try to be nice or polite), you actually take the bait (well for me at least,not always though..haha)..So I was like "really?Well, Thank you!(I dunno what to respond and what to do because in my mind I am in duty of paying that person..but when it is f.o.c as claimed,well okkkk) " You see, I was always like this..when i offer someone, they said no(although they mean yes), i take as a no..I really don't want to force people. I don't favor the drama.I tried that but I feel very guilty for acting such a 'pusher' I thought "man, too much pressure"..I don't know. Maybe it's just me..

So back to the story, my mom asked how much is the charge..I said "no charge. F.O.C!!" my mom looked at me "huh?is that your friend? Why don't u give some duit kupi(small token as a return of a favour, )? I was like "damn! why don't I think of that!" and I replied "Well at least they save on their gas, we actually fetch and brought them back on our own". End of conversation.So, now..I feel a bit guilty. So I don't know, am I this harsh?I have to work on my courtesy I guessed..Well, too much pressure! =p

p/s: So later that day, I went to take my photo, have some waffle and ice-cream. Show must go on!

Still Alive..

Yep I'm still alive..Just not in the mood for blogging..lost motivation?probably..or i guess i am busy with this Youtube channels..It's addicting (o yeah)..Well, I have finished my internship almost 3 weeks now..what did i do during the period? I have contained myself at home.self-meditation..(yeah,more on youtube mediatation!!) But there are few things I managed to do for myself; such as cleaning my room(still..in progress..I suffered from fever for a week and that explains the 'delay'), more times on entertaining others( I mean spending time with family, with a reason of course..the driver in case of emergency), no more sleep deprivation(for now....nothing last forever), but..but..MORE time of thinking about A LOT about things(things that happened or NEVER happen)..which I don't like..When this happened, I feel like....crap what the hell am i thinking this much?!I supposed to take it easy already..go and play! Maybe it's because my to-do list.I am supposed preparing myself for job hunting..i just have to start something..like a resume for instance..but yeah, when other things seems enjoyable(for now..nothing last forever)..procrastinate much? or maybe i am too hard on myself..gahhh..i don't know..yes.no.maybe.i'm not sure..man i hate this! But someone told me, "you have to take it easy right now, try to enjoy your life..even for smaller things.If you think too much for so many things right now, it's hard for you to enjoy life in the future" and it end up with a phrase like "you have to enjoy to enjoy" or something like that..yeah i know..what the hellyeah..haha..the first one is much better eyy?but anyways, I have to get things going.I have to get few things done for myself at the moment. I hope with this heart of mine, I can get things done..at the right time. at the right place. At least, get it done.. when everything else fails, hope is there..because,there is hope (???!!!!)..okay, Im done for today.peace out!

Oh!Finally!

It has been a while..Yes.my report is finally finished! I have been burning the midnight oil just to finish this report.I even took a few days off from work just to finish this it!..Oh, and these few days my eyes go puffy especially underneath the eyes..It felt like u just cried over sumthing(or am i?hehe)..what a week..*phew* I'm glad it's over. I decided to extend my industrial training until the end of this month. so i guess i have about 2 weeks more. After that? Enjoy!Yes finally at home!!!!! Can watch Youtube all day long!hehe..However, not for long. I need to start to find a job.temporary or for good. maybe join a language class or sumting..I don't knw.Still thinking.My mind is just 'relief' from all the works..so i decided to 'celebrate' this by spending my time at home,and yeah..rite now i'm huge fan of all of these make-up gurus on youtube.I just started to explore this make up thingy..not that I never wear make-up but only this time I pay extra attention for this thing..I want to learn ok..I guess maybe I'm becoming a woman?(?)

Allrite, that's for the updates. I wish all of my friends out there who is finding a job or having the time of their life, All the Best and enjoy yourselves. Be healthy and smile always.=) peace out!

World Cup for the non -football-fan & updates on myself

What a sad ending for Argentina..lose badly 0-4 to Germany(damn!)..Although I am not much of a football fan but I do feel the 'sadness' when I knew Argentina had lost(Mel's and mom's favourite football team) I do watch football when I am interested..I just hate that trumpet sound(I wish there is a 'mute' button only for the trumpet)..It's like a dozen of bees in a stadium. But most of the time, my sleep hours is more important..During weekdays, I cannot keep it at 10pm(usually games starts at ten)Well, what I like when watching football is the character on the football field. The coach,player,referee..etc..the emotions that they show when in the game..at times i feel it is intimidating and funny..but mostly is the spirit they showed..When there is world cup, there is betting (aiyoo..kalah lagi)..nah, I just join it for fun(nanti kena cop tai judi).. I don't even watch the team i bet(like I said, I am not a fan)..Once, I was assigned to promote the betting game around the office and get lectured(not even my fault okay sir). Well, I did it just to be part of this world cup fever I guess (sometimes I think I am pathetic)

Some updates on myself, I have been transferred to HQ.So It has been 2 1/2 weeks.Thank God.I enjoyed it here.I get to know many staffs, other trainees & more activities. Plus, I don't have to drive 45 minutes to go to work anymore.In terms of work, it is not so much difference except that i do not meet client anymore. Here, I faced different kind of challenge. No doubt I do miss my former place. But life has to move on. The most important thing is I take this as part of my working experience.Right now, my concern is on my report(oh man~~). I have to get it done (oh give me strength). Yeah, that is what I need.Strength!

KK Jazz Festival 2010 (No one is too young for Jazz)

Have you ever been to KK Jazz Fest before? I bet some of you had. So last two weeks I went to KK Jazz Festival 2010 at Sutera Harbour Marina, Golf and Country club with my beloved(MT) and x-schoolmate(Nel).

It is my first time went to a festival such as this. Yeah, I am waiting for this kind of opportunity..To a music festival! Because I love music! Good music of course. Before this, hmm..I was looking at the newspaper and was wondering: a jazz festival? Macam mau pigi saja nih..I want to go!But..but...I have no money(in your face big spender)..the ticket is RM50(for one day pass) and RM80 (2 days pass)..So I said "maybe next time...next year probably.."(with dissappoinment) However, 2 weeks after..know what happened? I get 2 free tickets 1 day pass(at least!) from fellow staffs(although I don't know who you are) yahoooo. .TQ SCC!

The first opening show is by UMS band(In 3 years,it's the first time I had my cheers for my uni..woohooo UMS! and I realized I am overreacted when the tourists and locals remain steady and keep their cool..almost no reaction) I say, they are pretty awesome! The sax,trumpets and all...For a minute, I am proud of those students. .good job!

There are also solo artists such as Rene Burrow and Dayang Nuraini and bands such as Organamix, Mood Indigo, GPJQ & guitarist Roger Wang. I love the instrumental songs played by Organamix(pianist from Sabah, drummer from Thailand and guitarist from Singapore)..This 3 piece band is awesome. Mood Indigo's drummer is completely insane..hehe. Go otai! All I can say, the performances are all superb.

The best thing I witnessed during that night was at the end of the show.People went crazy! I think it's because not so may people left. We were about to go home..but we're stucked as to see people all dancing both locals and tourists. Even we were into the groove that nite! I saw mothers and aunties dancing outside. People don't care anymore..they just dance to the music..I think it reminds them of their younger days..hehe.one funny tourist( I guess he was drunk) took the stage and dancing as if he is part of the show..with his 'Hawaian' pants I called it(it is bright in color) and sunglasses pointing towards the crowd dancing..hehe.See how the music gets people together? I am glad to be part of this moment..I love to see others having their good time and dancing to the music. We even shouting wooooowooooo from the distance(yes, we are actually outside and not even go into the crowd).

Some pics managed to be taken, although not all of it:

UMS Big Band

Mood Indigo

Organamix

Rene Burrow

And lastly, the V.I.Ps of the night...

Voices.In.Public.

For a moment, I forget all about my works and problems . One of the happiest moment I can say. Looking forward to more concerts or shows after this!

Things Happen..

For a reason..yes, i truly believe this. There are many things going on in my life that makes me nearly lose hope or react in anger. Indeed, I had lost myself sometimes.It feels like no one understands your problem and you feel like everybody is treating you the same(in a bad way). I really get so pissed of with some people..who like to use you and maybe treat you badly as if you are no better than they are. It hurts you when people take you easily. They answer your question as simple as if you don't know the answer. For example, you are not sure if some documents can be faxed( because you think that some documents are confidential and might be to 'risky' to fax)..I know that it may sound that I over worry about things..but hey, it is better to confirm something before you do a mistake. The answer they give? The basic step of how to fax the document( without looking at your face). What the? Somehow, it affects a person, although they are not complaining(yeah that's why I am writing this)..Sometimes I think let it be a mistake(in your face!)

But some things happened to me as if I am being saved from trouble. For example, I want to an activity.Lets say activity A.However, because of other obligation, I cannot perform activity A. After that, I get dissapointed. Later, you know that those who involve in activity A caught in trouble. But you, you are save because you cannot join activity A. Something like that..save you from gossip, being scolded or etc.. Indeed, He did this to protect me.

Always hoping there will be a little miracle to get me out of this place.This feeling.

If you have legs and arms..will u you get your own food?

So if you have what God had gave you, will you use it to the fullest?Or just use it when you want to..and ask others to do things for you? For example, will you ask a person to buy you food when you know you are not busy and just lazy to walk to the cafe or canteen? You know you can do that because you are superior than the person you ask to do what you SUPPOSED to do it yourself. Okay, so the person who DID things for you have DONE what you ask him to do. However, it is not really correct and up to your expectation. What is your reaction?Whether it will be:

a. Thanks!
b.This is not really what I want..but thanks anyway.(smile)
c. This is not the one..I want the one next to the..(and that person look like he had disappoint you and offer his apology again and again)
d. Get me the correct one.Now.

The thing is, if you know what you want and know where to get it, You can get it yourself. Will you ask a person who does not know what your taste like(obviously he is not YOU) but still do it for your sake and you complained? As simple to get that superior person his own food? Plus, you may not know this person has put extra money to get you your food or travel miles to serve your 'extraordinary' needs. You may give away your arms and legs to those who are handicapped or ask your mum to get your special delicacies from Europe.

Your favourites! but instead you get this..

Maybe what you need is this healthy rich in vitamin C orange guy.He's kinda cute isn't he?Better give your arms and legs so he can buy you food and sacrifice himself to make orange juice especially for you!

Practical Blues

Its been about 9 days of practical training..I have learned many things..although there are a lot more things that I don't know and not easily catch up.I can say the job is quite tough. Well, how many of us can stand when facing with other people? Unless you are pro then it is no problem for you. But what if you don't know what they require form you? This is the thing I have to face when I am posted in the client section. How do I supposed to know what is the best to answer the customer's question or solving their problem. Today I almost do a very big mistake. I tell the wrong information tto the client. Thank God the documents is not process yet and I'm relieve that the client did not mad at me...I feel sorry for him.I am not that great when dealing with people. This is challenging and it is hard for me sometimes to react or say things to people. There may be some trouble along the way ( like doing the wrong calculation or make customer mad)..but i hope I can make through it no matter what mistakes I have done. I don't have to please others all the time. I have done what they want from me.

Things will get better.Just believe.

...

Happy Birthday to My Love

Happy Birthday to My dearest who is celebrating his 23rd birthday this year. I am thankful he is born in this world. So today is a day where i want to forget my problems and spend time with my dearest. Although the week has been rough for us, the show must go on. Just hang on to what we believe. Amen.

Anxiety or numbness?

So It has been 5 days of 'working'..What can I say, it's been a tiring week for me and I have to face this for another 53 days. My place is so far from my home( I cannot mention the place as foe confidential purpose)..well, for me I think it's far(yes, i drive myself) .About 25 km from home(although the place is near my uni, it's not the same when you drive everyday from home). Have to get up early at 5.30am( well, most of the time, i get up at 4am, I don't know why, I think it's an anxiety attack, As a result, I created the natural gothic look). I prepare for my lunch(sometimes my mom) because almost all the restaurant there is 'serve-no-pork', plus, the food is costly. Not to mention, my fuel cost..45 minutes everyday. Half tank in 3 days (now I understand why my father always in bad mood when he is posted in Sepanggar, feel sorry for him) The work? I basically don't prefer. But I have to do what I have to do. Still have many things to learn. But I have difficulty in catching things up( information overload) I don't know what will happen to me during these whole period. I trying to get used to the environment there. Maybe for some,this whole thing is not a big deal, but it is for me thank you. I hope I can be transfered to the nearest branch. Have to wait for the time being (there is hope).

Speaking of anxiety, there are basically two types. Emotional and physical. Emotional anxiety is a result of irrational and excessive fear and worry. The common emotional symptoms include:

1. Feelings of apprehension or dread
2. Trouble concentrating
   
3. Feeling tense and jumpy
4. Anticipating the worst
5. Irritability
6. Restlessness
7. Watching for signs of danger
8. Feeling like your mind's gone blank
   

Physical symptoms anxiety include:

1. Pounding heart
2. Sweating
3. Stomach upset or dizziness
4. Frequent urination or diarrhea
   
5. Shortness or breath
6. Muscle tension
7. Headaches, fatigue & Insomnia
   

After I proof checked myself, most of the time i have emotional anxiety. number 2,3,6 8 always happened to me. As for the latter, no.1,3,6.

Or maybe, it is just a basic feeling of numbness? Definition: spritlessness-the trait of lacking enthusiasm for interest in things generally.


Whatever it is, I hope it will not last.I know it is maybe common to feel this way about something that is new to you or doing things that you do not like. I am very thankful to have friends that understands me and loved ones who supports me all the time. Their love is what keep me going. Thank you God for everything.

One's Opinion

At times I hold my tongues for the sake of peace. Am I to scared to open up? Many unimportant things are said and done in daily life. It is pride that makes human beings want to correct people at the slightest opportunity. Sometimes it is too much. It is not a motivation anymore. I believe many people face this kind of situation before. What about comparing you to others? Corrections are unnecessary in many things. People place too much confidence in their own sentiments and opinions.

I do no harm keeping silent in unimportant matters and listening to opinions which do not agree with mine. It takes a deep humility and delicate charity to act this way. Not all advise or correction is positive. The thing is you know who you are and don't let the word of others put you down.

It's All Over

Finally..It's over.My exams are finally over. Feel just like yesterday.I have this weird feeling that i never felt before. Maybe because there is no other exams such as these, again.Unless I want to take another course. Babai paper..hahaha.Sot suda. However,that is not all.Still have practical. Still have another task to do.But that's another story..My feeling about the subjects this sem? I don't knowla..just wait and see. I know it's hard, so i don't put high hope on this one. What i know is that i have done my best. No reason to regret. Right now, looking forward for exciting activities or spend quality time with friends & loved ones. Or maybe just stay at home?At least I have 2 weeks break before the practical. My language is pretty messed up right now. *sigh* Take some time to improve. Mengantuk sudah..So nite2 to whoever is reading this blog. Memang tiada apa2 yg special. Just delivering my thoughts. Will update soon.

Friday Morning

It's raining in the morning. I feel I just want to continue to sleep. huhu..I woke up early of course for a reason..*kalau tidak sampai jam 10 sa membuat 'peta' di bantal* It's study week.yeah...so this week i am spending my time to study and revise all the things I have learned. Meaning that, I should focus on my study.But I have different feeling this sem..*of courselah, it's your last sem..* Time flies so fast, finally it is my last exam! and the most tiring.I just finished all my presentations/assignments/discussion on Monday..after weeks of stressful moments. I'm glad it's over. I went through a lot of trials and errors. Dealing with group members, to start an assignment(yeah the thing being thrown to you, and you decidela,mcmana mau buat, pandai2 on your own), dealing with lecturers, dealing with time,dealing with stress, facing failures, dealing with self-confidence..*tiba2 serius* yeah, it surprised me that this sem I am dealing with these..because the previous sem i don't remember I have these thoughts..not this kind of impact. Maybe because this time I work with different people...and most of decision you have to make it yourself.. and, for sure, it is not easy to make people happy and agree with you all the time. Although you have tried your bestest, there must be something that they want to questioned. Sometimes, I just want to tell them to shut up and walk away. .Trying to make everyone happy, I think it is the stupidest thing. I think maybe human need something like recognition from others. To prove themselves in the eyes of people..sometimes it works, sometimes not. In the end, you questioned yourself and when you realised you cannot fulfill what others expect from you, then the 'failure' word comes to mind. Yeah, I've been that. I tell you it sucks.


Looking at the bright side of it, I believe as long as you know what you are doing and do your best, it will be paid off in some way..well, it is up to you to define that payoff..I am blessed because I have people who care and understand me. Make me laugh in times of sadness and heart-break. Thank you for all your supports. Cheers to all.