I have been in a very low state lately. What I think I can endure or claimed that I am strong is actually hard for me to bear. I feel that I have been smacked on the head and even feels like small needles pointing in my heart waiting for it to explode..I learned my lesson now..not to trust anyone in the office!!!!!!!! Although they seem to treat you well or laugh with you...doesnt mean I can call them 'friends'. Im not blaming them...because it's just them. Not worth of my time.Only those who have 'deep-fried' in this industry seems to understand..and that is only one person. but people can always turns you down.. Maybe I was 'too nice'..as I was described by some friends in high school and even worst...my boyfriend. It's weird, because I don't think the same way they think of me..I do not consider myself nice/good or whatsoever. I am just being me. Even feels at times I can be harsh..I wish I am more aggressive-don't give a damn-law breaker-kind of person. But what I did is I keep on being silent but rebels in a way ..I try my best not to stay longer than 6pm/not to sweet-talk with that damn boss/not hesitate to apply day-off/ whatever that does not comply to the majority of mindset or whatever can turn ne into one of them like gossips and ~!@#.....yes im now using !@#$ to describe sth. people will be good to you..but wait until they have the chance to bring you down...they want you to confirm with their worriness wahtever it may be....do they expect this will make me change my perceptions towards them? Since I have observing them in silence..I know their style already.. when they to full of themsellves, they throw trash on you...the hell with them... I know, this can happen to many of us.. in every workplace..schools..public..community...even in our homes..there are people that pissed you off.. but..life is about endurance..sacrifice...just do what you have to do..you will know when to say quit..but quit for the good reasons..
What happened to me lately since I started working change my perceptions on people. At first, it's like a shock for me.. before this I might be so naive..probably still..but I think there is a reason..as I pray for Wisdom things slowly revealed to me..it does hurts..which I have to endure. to achieve complete happiness is just too far from this world..at least to live your every minute in this world is good enough..or to do something you love. Congrats for those you have found it. I am yet to discover.. but I think I would.Just to find something that I could escape from WHAT I am to WHO I am right now...where I can 'breathe'.
P/s: Oh..I burn myself today..No..Im not that suicidal...I tried to heat the LAKSA soup without realizing I did not turn on the stove properly.I saw no fire..so I re-start the fire..and POoFFFF! A flame of fire strikes me (yeah..I am scared it blows my kitchen)..my heart skips a beat and part of my arm hair lost..and I think my skin burn..I have to put a toothpaste to cool it off... But I enjoy the LAKSA though..;p
Just something to share.
No comments:
Post a Comment