First, they support. Then they condemn you, they judge you. I don't know if I am a good person. But I think I am not a good child. Because I can't provide them with the things like other children would have. They looked like really disappointed but wouldn't admit it. We try to be honest but it was said to be a bad manners. " Look at other people's children, they never say something like that to their parents no matter how bad they were treated. " I don't know about other people's life. Maybe they are blessed with such traits that can make their parents happy. I am not a good child. I am not a good person. But all this while, what I do is what I am. I helped and try to 'keep' their hearts. I am quite a tempered person. I know, I am not good enough to be a child. I cannot control what they perceived. And I will never live up to their expectation. I know I am not a good child (if) they compare to other people. I guess I never be good enough for them.
I try to make them understand but all they see is status, the money. Yes I admit I feel anxious about my choice. I'm afraid I make the wrong move. But I know deep inside, this will help me in the future. But short term happiness? I'm not sure.Maybe I have to struggle. And of course, I have to learn. Somehow, I know it will. And I always want to find better opportunity.
I came to a point where I thought, its time to move out. But before that, I have to settle my 'debt'. I don't know why but the longer I stay the more I see them burdened. maybe they expecting something. That's why I said, I am not good enough for them. I will never be.I'm thinking, I have to be somewhere else. But WHEN? I won't blame anything. This is my life and I have to handle it. I have many weaknesses. The next thing I'm going to do is not because I am good enough to live my life, it's because I think it's something I HAVE to do to grow and learn. It's so damn scary to think about it right now but I think I have to do it! After today, I feel some plain old sadness. Tears wont make it go away. I just feel numb but sure about myself.
I try to make them understand but all they see is status, the money. Yes I admit I feel anxious about my choice. I'm afraid I make the wrong move. But I know deep inside, this will help me in the future. But short term happiness? I'm not sure.Maybe I have to struggle. And of course, I have to learn. Somehow, I know it will. And I always want to find better opportunity.
I came to a point where I thought, its time to move out. But before that, I have to settle my 'debt'. I don't know why but the longer I stay the more I see them burdened. maybe they expecting something. That's why I said, I am not good enough for them. I will never be.I'm thinking, I have to be somewhere else. But WHEN? I won't blame anything. This is my life and I have to handle it. I have many weaknesses. The next thing I'm going to do is not because I am good enough to live my life, it's because I think it's something I HAVE to do to grow and learn. It's so damn scary to think about it right now but I think I have to do it! After today, I feel some plain old sadness. Tears wont make it go away. I just feel numb but sure about myself.
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