Lately, many bad things happened to me and my family and I'm scared about the future. Yesterday, it rained heavily. Due to the heavy rain, there is a slight landslide just at the back of my house and it ruined the pipes. It such a horrible view. Fortunately, there were some Phillipino workers down the hill that came to help us. We're afraid because the rain seems never ending. And tey are willing to helped eventhough in heavy rains. This is not the first time. It had happened twice a few years back.

As a result, after discussing about how to retain the safety of my place, my parents agreed to do gabions or somekind of bricks retainer. Again, it will affect us financially. Immediately I thought, how am I going to study? How about the cost? For the safety project, it may take around RM10,000 including all appliances and labour. So...how about my plan next year? Of course, I am not bearing the cost. But all things affected. Well, it's obvious that I cannot contribute financially. Ideas? What a thing I know about it? I just feel bad I cannot do something about it. THis made me think. Should I take another job for now? I am just...stucked. I don't know what to do. I feel bad. I cannot stop but think negatively.

It's really hard to stay positive when bad things happened again and again. But I cannot be like this forever. I must focus on the future. The one that I can make perfect. Or atleast better.

"I am going to start all over again and I must change my mind and live the period with fullness. " I've once heard this. I try to hold on to this one.

Someone asked me today. Don't you feel bored at home? Since I'm not working at the moment. Well, yes if i have nothing to do. No, if I have something to do. Of course, I do have something to do. I am preparing for my licensing exam next year. A friend will be graduating soon. I realised it has been a year after my graduation. Wow. It feels just like a few months. And I still consider myself as a fresh grad. Because there are many things I haven't explore yet.

Schedule is up for the exam. If I am ready for the 1st quarter next year, I might take it . But yeah, I have to fly over from KK to KL just to take the exam. The only available sits in KK is in May. I am not sure if I want to wait. I don't know. I have to decide the time ,depending on my level of confidence, whether I am prepared for it. Mentally, physically & financially. No matter what, I have to take the exam. I have to be 'tough' within these few months. My biggest challenge right now is to control myself emotionally. I get triggered easily by some situation that could remind me of the past. Humans are like mirrors. They are not the same, but what they reflect makes you see that some of them..just..the same. Maybe I take it too seriously. Or maybe it is the way they are. I cannot change them. The best I can do right now is to control myself. It's not easy and I try my best to move on and focus more on important things.

I guess I just have to accept it. Face it. So I bought myself a hand-grip thing. It's like a V-shape exercise tool like this:



In case if I blow-off, before I start punching my door again I can use this as a substitute. I think it might work ( I hope so ). Besides, it helps to strengthen my muscle. Thanks to Melvin, he successfully convinced me to buy this at RM5. What the heck, I give it a try.

Choice

Today I went to the hospital. My Grandma had undergone an eye surgery. I thanked God that the surgery went well. She may have to deal with blurry vision for the next 2 weeks but hopefully she can see the world with a different light after that. At first she seem so scared to do it, nights before she ask me what if she will never see after the surgery. But I proved to her by saying a lot of women at her age gone throught it. I understand that she felt nervous. But she took the chance. She wants to get better. So she made her choice.

Meanwhile, I have the time to set up for my next year's plan. I'm glad, I'm glad I have made my choice. After so many nights of doubts and unpleasant things happened to me, I finally quit my job. I've thought about it for months. I've tried to work things out. To do my best at work and not to care about what others do to make me feel down. But things happened for a reason, it helps me to seek better opportunity for myself. Thank God for this. I hope my dreams will come true. So let the challenge begins.