I'm nervous. But I'm excited at the same time. I hope I will make it as far as I can. During these few days, there are some negative feelings and thoughts. I'm not wishing for something bad, but this mind is just keep on recalling the bitter past. It's a waste of time. It's the negative impression that I get from the so-called people in my life e.g so called family, or whom it could be..just creeps into my mind whenever I want to focus on my study. I know, it's just a waste of time. I realized that even own family (Thank God, I do not live with them) can have a very bad mouth and sarcastic. You know what? I don't care. Money can't buy respect. Money can't buy love. I know who I am. Yes, I am not as good as the others (which you seemingly to compare, well, the way I see it of course..and the way I've been treated)..I'm not the best 'lady' in the clan. I'm not that traditional! Sorry to say, I don't feel the sense of belonging. It has been this way ever since. but I am just being ignorant and blinded by 'all the good stuff". I do not expect anything. I don't want to be treated as VIP or something. But please, honesty.. Don't play games with people's feeling. And because of this, when I go there, my heart seems so heavy because I have to play the game. The game of pretense. *sigh*

Yep, the story of my life. I've been this way for the past few days. Maybe even weeks ( since the uneasy encounters or maybe too much coffee? ) It's hard to accept the reality (crying over it doesn't even worth the time). But, I have my goals. I decided to make my own way. Let me stumble alone. And rise on my own. I think it's the best option I have. Things happened for a reason right? From the bottom of my heart, I still love them. but..things have changed. I have to move on.

Arghh.. 18 days to go! Better study.