When things seems so far..

I just sit. Actually, no. I get up. However, something makes me pulled back. I know I have to start sth. I am half there , and, and..along the way, your effort somewhat seems like ..lost..Just don't have that drive right now. But i don't want to regret things. Sometimes, when you want sth you can be too hard on yourself. Not knowing how much you have done so far. Not realizing that it takes time to achieve or to get sth. I always get demotivated along the way. And I am still dealing with it. I don't want this feeling of 'lost' controls me. Right now, i try to enjoy things. Go with the flow perhaps? I hope to regain my motivation.Most importantly, my confidence. It might be a phase. Can it be? I hope so. Yes, it can be. I will get through this. Yes, I can!

My Car Rebels...Guilty comes in..

What a day..my car does it again..this time.It really won't start. It had happened before but luckily it is 'alive' taht time and able to start at last..I am soooo furious when it had no effect as i'm trying to start off the engine..no sound whatsoever. and actually i'm ready to go and take some photos for my job hunting preparation. and I promised to drive yesterday ( because i havent drive for almost a week and im worried that the car won't start).. during my sick and lazy time I haven't touch my car. I haven't take care of it. So, I guess 'it' rebels..because of my lack of attention.

It's my fault actually.I know the consequences but still, I don't do the routine I supposed to which is to heat up the engine everyday eventhough you don't go anywhere! Ignorance does not pay..So my sweetheart and I went to search for a mechanic which is not very far from my place..about 2 km.This 3 mechanics (I guess the two are the assistants and it happens that one is my sweetheart's school junior but he does not remember the name and if he ever have a conversation with him,so no topic on that.) what they do?they used a battery(which they brought) and they do their magic..not even have to use a jumper..It's like the short cut..they pour out the liquid from the battery as the engine is raced, pour it with some water (I rush off to the toilet and just take the scoup or the gayung filled with water) It's funny because i was like running as might..gosh..after that..walla it actually start! Alleluia! But I don't know,if this is right..can u believe it is f.o.c? Well, I'm pretty serious when it comes to this..It's like when you been offered by someone (although they don't mean it, just try to be nice or polite), you actually take the bait (well for me at least,not always though..haha)..So I was like "really?Well, Thank you!(I dunno what to respond and what to do because in my mind I am in duty of paying that person..but when it is f.o.c as claimed,well okkkk) " You see, I was always like this..when i offer someone, they said no(although they mean yes), i take as a no..I really don't want to force people. I don't favor the drama.I tried that but I feel very guilty for acting such a 'pusher' I thought "man, too much pressure"..I don't know. Maybe it's just me..

So back to the story, my mom asked how much is the charge..I said "no charge. F.O.C!!" my mom looked at me "huh?is that your friend? Why don't u give some duit kupi(small token as a return of a favour, )? I was like "damn! why don't I think of that!" and I replied "Well at least they save on their gas, we actually fetch and brought them back on our own". End of conversation.So, now..I feel a bit guilty. So I don't know, am I this harsh?I have to work on my courtesy I guessed..Well, too much pressure! =p

p/s: So later that day, I went to take my photo, have some waffle and ice-cream. Show must go on!

Still Alive..

Yep I'm still alive..Just not in the mood for blogging..lost motivation?probably..or i guess i am busy with this Youtube channels..It's addicting (o yeah)..Well, I have finished my internship almost 3 weeks now..what did i do during the period? I have contained myself at home.self-meditation..(yeah,more on youtube mediatation!!) But there are few things I managed to do for myself; such as cleaning my room(still..in progress..I suffered from fever for a week and that explains the 'delay'), more times on entertaining others( I mean spending time with family, with a reason of course..the driver in case of emergency), no more sleep deprivation(for now....nothing last forever), but..but..MORE time of thinking about A LOT about things(things that happened or NEVER happen)..which I don't like..When this happened, I feel like....crap what the hell am i thinking this much?!I supposed to take it easy already..go and play! Maybe it's because my to-do list.I am supposed preparing myself for job hunting..i just have to start something..like a resume for instance..but yeah, when other things seems enjoyable(for now..nothing last forever)..procrastinate much? or maybe i am too hard on myself..gahhh..i don't know..yes.no.maybe.i'm not sure..man i hate this! But someone told me, "you have to take it easy right now, try to enjoy your life..even for smaller things.If you think too much for so many things right now, it's hard for you to enjoy life in the future" and it end up with a phrase like "you have to enjoy to enjoy" or something like that..yeah i know..what the hellyeah..haha..the first one is much better eyy?but anyways, I have to get things going.I have to get few things done for myself at the moment. I hope with this heart of mine, I can get things done..at the right time. at the right place. At least, get it done.. when everything else fails, hope is there..because,there is hope (???!!!!)..okay, Im done for today.peace out!